Right after college (which was paid for by les parents) I married my now-ex-husband, and for pretty much 8 years I didn't have to worry too much about money. Every month I would put money aside into our retirement accounts, some into savings, responsibly pay off any loans, set aside enough for us to go to the strip club... I have to admit that I was scared shitless to be on my own, when it came down to actually getting divorced. I also have to admit that I got a nice amount of alimony for almost two years, and only recently began to feel the effects of not having that anymore.
I feel poopy, indeed, because at the moment I don't have enough money to live the way I "want to". But you know what? It is 5 degrees outside right now, and I have a home and a gas fireplace and I'm watching an episode of "The Ellen Degeneres Show" that I recorded using my Comcast DVR box. I just drank a nice glass of wine, and am waiting for our buffalo burgers to cook. I am wearing my warm and fuzzy Old Navy pj pants, and just checked a text message on my cell phone. You know what I don't have the money for? To take my girlfriend out for sushi. To buy a long-sleeved hoodie from the Soulflower catalogue. To pull up the nasty rug in my living room and replace it with pergo. You know what, I don't feel poopy... I feel ungrateful and spoiled!
When I am honest with myself I just want to make enough to pay my bills, donate to several nonprofits, and be able to treat myself and my loved ones without worrying about how I manage it. I recently took my daughter to see a play version of "Aeosop's Fables", and I was reminded of the fable The Greedy Dog Who Loses His Bone. The dog has a bone in his mouth, sees his reflection in a river and thinks it's another dog with a bone, and when he tries to get the other bone, he looses his own bone. "The greedy may lose everything".
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